and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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