i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
