Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
