dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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