He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
