just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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