Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
