I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
