I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
