So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
