Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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