I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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