I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
