you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
