I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
