the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
