He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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