I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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