So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
