she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
