that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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