I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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