dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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