I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
