I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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