It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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