That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
