What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
