it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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