I will die if light touches me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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