you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this beer tastes like vomit already
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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