I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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