Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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