I think my vagina is haunted
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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