i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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