dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
