That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
