Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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