im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
someone owes me an orgasm
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
