Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
40s are totally the cure
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
