Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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