we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
