how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
