what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
