i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
