I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
