She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
