$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
