mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
