it wasn't lemon gatorade
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
