just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
