moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
