You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
