There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
