just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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