i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
