But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
