I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
