1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
