You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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