I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
