I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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