I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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