Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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