I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize