you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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