i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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