SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize